Soggy Poop Days

Today I didn't want to be married. Today I didn't want to be in Houston. Today I didn't want my life. 

These days are a real drag. Feelings can be a wrecking ball. And today, I am it's target. Feelings are NOT reality. Feelings are thoughts turning into physical response in the body. They are neurons violently spitting up and misfiring a bad day inside of me. 

Lets face it. This is spiritual. Jesus spoke of it best when He said the "Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."
I understand my spirit wants and needs to be married. It's the Lord's will for my life and the greatest blessing I've ever received.
He called me to be here in Houston. That point was made clear by Him as well - and a good story for another blog entry.
And, most importantly, my life is precious. It's the only one I have. Jesus, the Master Craftsman, designed me to be exactly as I am. to exist here with feelings. In this very moment. Deliberately. With great purpose. Fearfully and wonderfully made. But my body wants to scream. And defy those very statements. Where is the wonderful in me right now? Where is my righteousness that is in Christ? Why do I feel gutted like a Thanksgiving Turkey that will never get stuffed?

Lord, Help! Ahhh...and there we have found the reason. There is a Savior that wants relationship with me. And when I am feeling the weakest is when His Power goes into operation in my life. The caveat: I have to be willing. Lord, help me be willing.

I have found myself in many settings in life. Psych wards, C-level buildings with filled with big money and fast cars and smart suits, smokey bars, churches big and small, action isles of grocery stores for hours days on end, airports and airplanes. The same rang clear in every backdrop. The world is full of lonely people. We know the platitude that you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. It's the void of love that causes this.
It's hard to love people. That's what loneliness boils down to. Why is it so hard to love people? I sometimes struggle with loving people. Don't even get me started on loving people that tick me off, hurt my feelings, make me feel like the 2 day old but still soggy poop in our backyard - courtesy of Liko. 

I am a world full of lonely people today. I will never be the 2 day old soggy poop. Nope. 

Speaking of which, I made a yummy dinner this evening. Perfect for the cool Fall weather. Pumpkin Soup!
...yeah yeah. awkward transition. what can I say? I'm awkward.

Pumpkin Soup
courtesy of GE recipes

2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup finely chopped red onion
2 tablespoons flour
2 teaspoons curry powder
3 cups chicken broth
1 can pureed pumpkin
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1-1/2 cups milk (you can substitute a few steamed and pulsed potatoes for milk, if you'd like!)

Preparation

1. Melt butter in a large saucepan and cook onion and mushrooms until tender, stirring often. Add flour and curry and stir well.
2. Slowly stir in chicken broth and cook over medium heat until thickened, stirring constantly
3. Stir in pumpkin, sugar, salt, pepper and nutmeg. Add milk and cook until thoroughly heated.
4. Serve garnished with parsley or chives.